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La Dispute | All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks
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La Dispute // Fall Down, Never Get Back Up
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not my picture, just my edit
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I am strong because on October 15th, 2010 at 37 weeks pregnant we walked into our OB office and found out our son Tiberius had passed away.I am strong because I laboured for 12 beautiful hours and gave birth to my stillborn son in a silent room.I am strong because on October 22nd 2010, my husband and I buried our first child.I am strong because 12 weeks after we buried our first son we found out we were expecting again.I am strong because on May 2nd, 2011, at 18 weeks pregnant, we found out our second son Jacob would not be coming home with us, he was given a fatal diagnosis. I am strong because despite having a fatal diagnosis we chose to carry Jacob and do everything we possibly could. I am strong because during the next 18 weeks Jacob’s diagnosis changed into something no medical doctor had ever seen before and his prognosis became unknown. I am strong because on September 5th, 2011, our son Jacob was born via c-section. He cried even though we were told he would not.I am strong because for the next 2 1/2 days Jacob fought so hard to stay with us and we fought so hard to keep him comfortable and did everything we could.I am strong because at 7:45pm on September 7th, we had to make a decision no parent should ever have to make, we pulled his life support and Jacob peacefully passed away.I am strong because on September 14th, 2011 we buried our second child. I am strong because 9 months after we buried Jacob we decided to try once more.I am strong because we became pregnant with what we hoped would truly be our rainbow babe. I am strong because at 18 weeks we found out we were having a healthy little girl. I am strong because I carried her for 36 1/2 weeks all along knowing we could lose her too.I am strong because on January 8th, 2013, I was induced and we were on the way to meeting our miracle babe.I am strong because after 16 rough hours of vbac labour, our miracle baby, Phoebe Faith, was born. Crying, screaming, healthy and alive. I am strong because even though I only parent one child, I am a mother of three.I am strong because I have carried 3 children full term but two already reside in Heaven. I am strong because I chose to cling onto hope and faith when everything else was against us.I am strong because parenting a rainbow baby is a challenging time in life. I am strong because my hopes and dreams have been shattered but I chose to hold on and now have a beautiful little girl who is the light of my life.Mamas who have endured loss, don’t ever give up. Your rainbow could be one more rainy day away. [x]


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